Why I do what I do
TW: death and bereavement.
As I sat on the cold church floor, I desperately clung to the belief that I should not have to be at this funeral, that this should not be happening. I was wrong.
Her name was Jenny. She was beautiful, funny, kind, brave. She adopted animals and worked for a local school for adults with additional needs. She was 28 and she died immediately in a car accident.
I learnt something that awful, awful day: You can be the most deserving, good person in the world, with your whole life ahead of you, and it can be taken away in an instant. Life owes you nothing.
It was a brutal awakening that the plans I had were not guaranteed.
I made a promise to myself then that I would not hang around waiting for my life to happen. Even if it meant facing some of my biggest fears. I was 25.
I started taking my precious life more seriously. I started taking other people’s lives more seriously.
We of course need to be patient and kind to ourselves as we unhook from habits that play out over and over again, holding us back from how we really long to show up in this world.
But sometimes I also want to shout “WAKE THE FUCK UP!” from this place of knowledge and deep care that you don’t know how much time you have. And I need that too. Please do that for me too.
We are in a culture that has absolutely no idea how to face and handle death. Because of that we are unequipped to really live.
As hard as grieving is – from any kind of loss or having life just suddenly sweep the rug from underneath us – it also provides an opening. I know so many people who, at least for a while, saw things differently, even when they were in pain.
They grew and made changes in their lives for the better.
But we don’t need to wait until something awful happens.
With courage, love and support, we can reflect on the preciousness and fragility of our own and others’ lives and see how this changes us. We can cut through so much vagueness, doubt and anxiety about things that seem insignificant from this perspective.
We can go deeper and access what really matters most and hold on to that, if we just keep remembering.
This is the ground from which I coach. This is what The Liberated Heart really is – a heart that’s free because it sees the world and our lives from this much deeper perspective.