No rain, no rainbows

“It just makes me really sad”

“Do you want to tell me about that?”

“I think I’ll cry.”

“That’s ok, we can do crying.”

So I said most of it, in a few minutes.

“Yes, it is really disappointing.”

-

I put down the phone, and with it some naïve hopes and ideas about how the world should be.

“It’s done”, said a quiet voice in my head. I rummaged around in a box for something important that hadn’t seen the light of day since June.

The night was stormy and I woke frequently, checking the rain wasn’t coming in through the door.

-

The next day I went walking down the lanes.

The world was rich with colour and I noticed that I didn’t need to avoid being quiet on my own any more. I wasn’t losing myself in the anger and grief that had wrapped around me like a heavy, opaque shadow. Somehow, somewhere below my conscious mind, I better understood this project of being human together. I had changed.

I came up to a gate and spoke to the sheep. Looking out across the field, one bright rainbow and a hint of another had emerged.

“No rain, no rainbows” I said to the sheep.

The rain stopped. The rainbows faded one by one.

I walked on, with the smell of fallen apples from the orchard floating on the breeze.

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