Ready to stop snapping?
You're a smart, capable leader.
Kindness and integrity are important to you. So you hate the fact that stress has been seeping out sideways onto others. Whether that's sharp comments at home; a short email at work; or something else.
I know you don't mean to be like this.
This is not who you are.
For a while, you could ignore it. They could too. They care about you and understand things can be tough.
But it's obvious now that you need to change and you're ready to take responsibility. You trust that with the right support, you can turn things around.
And quite frankly, if you don't, things are about to get worse.
I've been exactly where you are today. More than once.
I've pressed the "f*ck it" button and sent that angry email or Whatsapp message. I've said things I quickly regretted in a heated conversation at home.
I had to have a good look in the mirror to understand what was really going on underneath the surface and what needed to change.
This is a humbling time but it doesn't need to be humiliating.
Let me help you find your way back to yourself.
This coaching exercise helps you move from feeling stuck into taking calm, clear action that will shift things today, not tomorrow.
It’s structured around five simple but meaningful shifts:
Defeat → Desire → Determination → Doubt → Do
This won’t fix everything. But it can reconnect you with your capacity to change. After accepting you want to change, this is the next important step.
p.s. Everyone's breaking point is different.
If your version of "I can't be this person anymore" means you're thinking of self-harm, having suicidal thoughts or worried about someone else, I want you to get the right support. The Samaritans are a great place start - I've called them myself. Click here.
Before you start
Set yourself up properly. You’ll need about 20–30 minutes.
Get somewhere quiet and comfortable
Put your phone on silent
Grab a pen and paper
If possible, go for a short walk before or after. Or relax with this 10 minute recording.
This is a body-led exercise, not just a mindset one. You might feel more than you expect. That’s not a problem —that’s part of what makes this useful.
If at any point it feels like too much, take a break. And if you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed, send me a message — I’ll get back to you within a few hours. You don’t have to do this alone.
Step 1: Defeat – “I can’t…”
Start by naming three things that feel stuck, unbearable or draining right now. Be specific.
Write them down as:
“I can’t [__________] anymore.”
Don’t try to be rational. Don’t tidy it up. This is your raw list.
Step 2: Desire – “I don’t want to…”
Now shift the language.
Take each item from your list and rewrite it as:
“I don’t want to [__________] anymore.”
Say them out loud.
Pay attention to how your voice sounds. Are you speaking from your throat, your chest, your belly?
Now take a breath. Relax your stomach as you exhale. Breathe into your belly for a few cycles. Let your breath drop lower.
Say your “I don’t want to…” sentences again — this time from your belly or pelvis. Low. Slow. As if you were speaking to a lover (yes, really!)
Feel the difference?
This is where your power lives — not in your head, but in your body.
Step 3: Determination – “I won’t…”
Now it’s time to turn preference into agency.
Say each sentence again, replacing “don’t want” with:
“I won’t [__________] anymore.”
Say it out loud. From your belly. With conviction.
You don’t need to shout. You need to mean it.
Step 4: Doubt – Name the voice
Now comes the part most people skip.
What thoughts show up now?
“That’s impossible.” “What if I fail?” “You’re overreacting.” “You’ve said this before and nothing changed.”
That’s your inner doubt speaking up — often with good reason. It wants to keep you safe. But it also keeps you stuck.
Give that voice a name. I call mine Catastrophising Cathy.
Ask it:
“What are you afraid will happen?”
Then finish this sentence — more than once if needed:
“I’m afraid that if I [], then [].”
Follow the thread.
Now ask:
“What do you need to hear or know from me, to feel safe?”
Write that down. And then:
“OK. I promise that…”
You’re not trying to silence this voice. You’re showing it you’ve got this.
Step 5: Do – Take the next step
You’ve shifted something. Now you act — from that place.
Complete this:
“The very first thing I need to do is…”
If you’re not sure, try one of these:
"Spend 15 minutes brainstorming my options"
"Speak to a friend or trusted colleague"
"Find an expert who can help me."
Now say it out loud. Slowly. Clearly. Then do it.
The goal isn’t to fix everything today. It’s to remind yourself: I can move. I have agency. I’m not stuck like this forever. People care about me and will help.
