Networking Nightmares?

You get to the venue, grab your name badge from reception and head in.

There’s just enough time for some polite hellos, a comment or two about the weather, and then the talks begin.

The next thing you know, you’re filing out of the doors and into the foyer.

What next, in this choose-your-own networking nightmare?

Do you look around, hoping to find someone you recognise?

Mill around the refreshments, avoiding eye contact?

Awkwardly insert yourself into a group conversation?

Or something else?

If you feel uncomfortable, it’s understandable to look for advice that focuses on the physical sensations. Take a few deeper breaths. Smile. Relax your shoulders.

And yes — I can teach you that. I’ve practised meditation, breathwork and mindfulness for fifteen years. For the last ten, I’ve helped other people use these techniques to reduce stress and find calm when they need it most.

I can give you my favourite power poses too, for moments when hiding in a bathroom cubicle feels tempting.

But there’s a limit to how far this kind of advice will take you.

A more useful question is this:

Why are you really feeling uncomfortable in the first place?

When I ask that, whatever someone’s level of experience, I tend to hear the same familiar stories:

“I’m worried about making a good impression.”

“I need to say something smart.”

“They won’t be interested in me.”

“Last time I did this, I waffled on and it got awkward.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Everyone seems to know someone already.”

“I should be better at this by now.”

“I’m worried someone will ask me a difficult question.”

“What if I say the wrong thing?”

We could stay here: working on better conversation starters or how to respond when you're asked something tricky.

But again, we can go deeper.

Networking presses a very old button. Humans are social beings, and our ability to survive has always depended on being accepted by others. For most people, that button gets pressed hard in these situations.

You don’t usually notice it happening. That’s why it’s so frustrating.

A People Pleaser part steps in, trying to manage how you come across and keep things comfortable.

It's worth doing the inner work to move that out of the driver’s seat and refocus on why you’re here in the first place.

Which is building relationships that support the work you’re trying to do.

I work with people who are making a big difference in the world — solving complex problems that require the time, skills, energy, support and money of many others.

Seen from that perspective, networking shifts.

It becomes a kind of "Where’s Wally?" game.

Out in the room are other people who care deeply — or have the capacity to care deeply — about similar things to you.

With the right approach, they will be absolutely delighted to help you or work with you in some way.

The catch is, they don’t advertise themselves. You can't just look for that stripy red jumper, those big glasses.

The only way to find them is to talk to people you don’t yet know. To ask questions. To stay curious.

And this is where many passionate people trip up.

Because even though there is a reason for being there, you can’t rush towards it. You can’t treat people as a means to an end. No matter how important it is to you.

The moment you start trying to get something from someone, the tone changes. Most of us are sensitive to that.

Think about how many people cross the road, stare at their phone, or suddenly become unavailable when they see a charity fundraiser approaching.

Not because they don’t care — but because they know they’re about to be asked for something.

The same thing happens in networking spaces. People switch off when they feel you're trying to "get something".

If instead you take the time to connect person to person — without hurrying ahead, without angling for an outcome — you create a different foundation. One based on genuine interest.

Sometimes nothing comes of that conversation. And that’s fine.

Other times, you realise you’ve found Wally.

Not because you were hunting for him — but because you stayed open long enough for him to show up.

If you want a way to practise this mindset shift before you walk into a room, there’s a 2,500-year-old meditation that’s useful here.

It’s called the metta-bhavana. Metta means loving-kindness and Bhavana means cultivation. These are Pali words — the language closest to what the Buddha would have spoken in India.

The practice is simple, but not always easy. It invites us to wish all life well, whether we have a positive, negative or neutral reaction to them.

At the final stage, the invitation is to extend that wish outwards to all beings.

Before a conference or event, you can make this very specific. Imaginatively bring to mind everyone who will be there. You may not know most of them. You might not recognise any of them. And still, you practise wishing them well.

The shift is often subtle.

Try it out before you go, and see what happens.

I’ve included a link here to a 20 minute guided metta-bhavana practice.

I recorded it when I was teaching meditation on a weekly basis at Brixton Buddhist Centre, prior to ordination. I was still called Charlotte back then: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2y2Mp6zI0ro

Notice if if this changes your experience and approach at your next event.