How to navigate uncertainty or change

You're going through a period of internal uncertainty or change.

An old version of you has disappeared, stopped serving you or been outgrown. You're wondering who you want to be, what motivates you now in life and work, and how this translates into daily professional and personal interactions.

Does it feel like you're adrift at sea or more like you're embarking on an exciting voyage?

Like you're trying on nice new clothes in a department store - or uncomfortably stuck in something worn-out that doesn't fit or suit you anymore?

The images you use to describe your internal states tell me a lot about how you perceive the situation and the choices open to you. These perceptions strongly influence your behaviour and therefore what actually happens in your life and work. In this way, your mind shapes your world, the world.

One client described her experience as standing in a field of tall grass. Some paths were clearly defined and she could see where they led. Others disappeared and she couldn't see their end point, while a few were barely marked out at all. Overall she seemed excited about the possibilities.

A different client was definitely feeling adrift - his energy low when talking about the options he believed were available to him. He was stuck in an unhelpful story about himself that limited his imagination for the future and therefore his enthusiasm for moving forward.

You can feel lost, trapped, scared, hopeful or excited during these phases. It all comes down to how you approach being in a "bardo". This is a Buddhist term and often refers to a state between physical death and rebirth. However, you could also see a bardo more psychologically, or poetically, as a state in-between different versions of yourself - the space that's created after an old one has "died" but before the new one has fully developed- or between different chapters of your life.

You can enter a bardo after all sorts of experiences and endings: The Three Bs of Bereavement, Betrayal and Breakups; returning to work after maternity or paternity leave, a significant illness, or enjoyable sabbatical; when your children leave home; and retirement. You might have reached a peak moment or milestone in your career - perhaps completing something that's taken years of persistent effort. You can also slide into a bardo gradually, without it easily being attributed to a specific external situation.

Whatever the cause, a bardo is fundamentally a period of dwelling in the unknown. Primarily internal, when navigated well this creative process results in an external expression that's difficult to predict in advance but often "makes sense" when you look back on it.

Take the experience of losing part of your identity that's bound up in a particular role or stage of your career. This could lead to an obvious change in your work or more subtle changes that others can't easily spot or name, unless they're privy to what's really going on underneath. One of my clients, for example, went through a traumatic period in a high-stakes, high-profile leadership role. You wouldn't have known, but she lost faith in her skills and her ability to cope under intense pressure. Things she used to be confident about - like public speaking - became fraught with stress.

The image I would probably use to describe that period feels rather catastrophic: like a forest fire violently ripping through wildlife, leaving destruction behind. But as with certain ecosystems, it created conditions for new growth. Yes she changed jobs, but that wasn't the most significant shift. The changes I've seen, as she's ascended through it all, include a renewed sense of trust in her decision-making, bolder communication and a pretty bullet-proof determination to do good, no matter how hard it is in her field, at her level. She's happier and more at ease in her own body and with family.

Bardo states are uncomfortable if you don't know what to do with them. Your identity provides a shorthand for making sense of your experience and moving through the world. Otherwise you'd be faced with an infinite number of options and decisions every single day. It provides a strong anchor in the midst of chaos.

When that anchor is removed, or cut, you can feel lost, anxious, numb - all of the difficult emotions. You might not be aware of it, but if you're struggling to sit still in the evening and do nothing, be on your own, imagine your future or make important decisions, these are all signs that you're in a bardo.

Most people don't have the tools needed for these periods. Instead of coming out the other side, transformed, they grasp onto whatever they can to feel ok or simply push down the feelings. Returning to the example of a loss of identity, energy or purpose at work: You tell yourself "next year" or start searching for new options, before giving up to stay still, without addressing your boredom or stress levels. You draft an email to talk to your someone you trust about your ideas and desire for new opportunities, but never send it. Or you book the meeting, but don't say what you'd prepared.

Many don't even get that far. They just end up doom scrolling on their phone at night, as time slips through their fingers: reinforcing a bad habit of running away from fear of the unknown, instead of facing it.

Fear is a physical thing. If you want to find out who you are on the other side of the unknown, you must first learn to regulate your nervous system and then learn to do nothing. Otherwise every time fear or discomfort arises, you'll just slip into old habits instead of relaxing, allowing something new to emerge, and then acting on it.

John Keats, the poet, called this capacity to dwell in mystery and uncertainty, without grasping or reacting compulsively, "negative capability". Leaders would do well to learn from artists. Because what are we doing, if not trying to make the world and our experience more beautiful, in its highest sense?

So where should you begin?

Write

I have a busy mind, so personally I like to get my thoughts down before doing anything quieter.

Grab some paper and a pen. Use some of these sentence starters and then keep going until there's nothing left to be said (or set a timer for however long you've got).

Not much happens? No problem. Try it every day or few days until you get clear.

"I feel like I'm.....(use an image to describe how this period of uncertainty or change feels)........

"It's as if........."

"Something in me has died/disappeared. It's the part that.........."

"Since ....... I just don't know how to........"

"If the most recent period of my life was a chapter of a book, it would be called..... It was a time for..... It ended when.....

Relax

Try one of my 10 minute guided meditation practices from the Less Stress, More Impact series. Days 1, 2, 5, 6, 7 or 8 are particularly good for this.

Do Nothing

If you can sit and do nothing - with neither your mind nor body - for more than 5 minutes, then try this. I find it easier with a cup of tea, looking out the window, with a timer on my phone for 20 minutes to an hour. When my mind wanders, I simply tell myself: "Thank you, we're doing nothing right now, so we can do something important later."

Walk

Honestly, a long walk for 2+ hours really sorts me out. If I can go for a whole day on my own - perfect. After a few hours of moving and shifting my attention out of my head and into my body, something magic starts to happen.

These are the foundational practices of navigating a bardo effectively. Which one will you try this week?